2 months since my last entry, maybe i was too lazy? Nothing to say? I rememebered a time from middle school. I was getting dressed this morning and my inattention to decent matching took me back to that time. I was always made fun of, sometimes to may face but i even though I never had hard conformation i knew I was made fun of behind my back too. one time in particular came to mind, i single scene that i believe was cruel to me even by my standards. I was coming in the main lobby of my school when two pretty girls from one of the popular sporty, rich kids group game up to me far to eagerly and told me how hot they thought i was. I remember thinking something along the lines of "well its about time karma turns around for me" or "well someone finally begin to notice" or something like that. then just as quickly they say april fools, laugh and hastly leave giggle to themselves and im frozen with an emotion of shame for even momentarily believing them and dumbfoundedness for not realizing the day's date. I know it was just a harmless joke to them, but to me... It kind of hurt. It was pretty much saying that I was the exact opposite of those things and I think that was pretty harsh on a boy's self cofidence in middle school. I no longer care what people say to my face. It still hurts though but now i preimptively brace for the worse in people so I know longer feel any pain. Little voice in my head that i call my conscious tells me what people really think and sometimes I listen. I have to go to class.